1994 New York Rangers; Make the Movie!

There are some good hockey movies out there. We were blessed with Slap Shot in 1977. We chuckled at the antics of the children in The Mighty Ducks in 1992. We reminisced with Herb Brooks in Miracle in 2004. With the 20th anniversary of one of the most memorable playoff runs in NHL history coming up next year, why not relive the ecstasy that was the 1994 New York Rangers?

Matteau’s overtime goal in the Eastern Conference Finals rocked the city of New York. The drama of Geoff Courtnall scoring in the third and then Messier scoring in the same play, only to have Messier’s goal disallowed captivated us all. Game 7 kept us on the edges of our seats.

Oh yea, didn’t the Rangers captain make some huge guarantee after a Game 5 loss in the Eastern Finals?

The title could go in so many directions. The Guarantee, The Miracle on Pennsylvania Avenue or 54 Years all come to mind, but it all depends on the direction of the script.

A very important part of the movie will have to be the cast. This will have to be very carefully calculated as the personalities of the Rangers were what set them apart from other Cup winners.

So without further ado, I give you my cast list for the movie of all hockey movies:

The Captain: Neil McDonough

Courtesy Adam Hayes/imdb.com

Courtesy Adam Hayes/imdb.com

Shave his head and you’ve got yourself a spitting image of “Mess.” McDonough’s credentials are solid enough that he could handle a leading role as well.

The Goalie: Mark Wahlberg

Courtesy Associated Press/imdb.com

Courtesy Associated Press/imdb.com

Dry humor mixed with good looks… is there any other choice?

The Hero: Paul Rudd

Courtesy rangers.nhl./com/imdb.com

Courtesy rangers.nhl./com/imdb.com

Rudd may have to grow out a few weeks’ worth of facial hair and lose the boyish charm to play the role of Matteau. But if anyone can do it, it’s Peter Klaven.

The Conn Smythe Winner: Noah Emmerich

Courtesy rangers.nhl.com/imdb.com

Courtesy rangers.nhl.com/imdb.com

The guy already has a hockey-acting background, since he played Coach Craig Patrick in Miracle. It’s just a plus that he resembles the front man for the Rangers.

The Enforcer: Henry Rollins

Courtesy rangers.nhl.com/nndb.com

Courtesy rangers.nhl.com/nndb.com

Just put in a Rollins Band CD while watching a Beukeboom highlight video. You’ll understand.

Mr. Reliable: Tobey Maguire

Courtesy rangers.nhl.com/imdb.com

Courtesy rangers.nhl.com/imdb.com

This is likely to upset Graves supporters (probably Adam himself), but put a helmet on the guy and get some blood under his left eye. I mean, the guy did play Spiderman.

——–

With the brunt of the Rangers out of the way, we now move on to the villains of the 1994 playoffs.

The Devil: Mickey Rourke

Courtesy Relativity Online

Courtesy Relativity Online

Can you really picture anyone else playing Claude Lemieux? Didn’t think so.

The All-Star: Anthony Brodeur.

Courtesy Beckett Hockey/Bill Wippert

Courtesy Beckett Hockey/Bill Wippert

Martin was 22 in 1994 and Anthony will be 19 at the 20-year anniversary mark. Okay, he isn’t really an actor, but how central of a character does Brodeur need to be?

The Canucks Leader: Christian Bale

Courtesy canucks.nhl.com/imdb.com

Courtesy canucks.nhl.com/imdb.com

Linden was widely known for being a bag of nails anywhere on the ice. Bale is known for having a rough exterior on the screen and in real life. Perfect fit.

The Speedster: Bill Pullman

Courtesy Score/imdb.com

Courtesy Score/imdb.com

Pullman’s decision-making speed as President in Independence Day was impeccable. The same could be said for Ronning’s foot speed.

The Grinder: Sylvester Stallone

Courtesy La Presse/imdb.com

Courtesy La Presse/imdb.com

Momesso was a beast in front of the net. Look at that face. Look at it!

The Brick Wall: Jean Claude Van Damme

Courtesy imdb.com

Courtesy imdb.com

Van Damme ventured into the 1995 Stanley Cup Final as the backup goalie in Sudden Death. He has the experience to play the Canucks’ starter.

The Shut Down: David Letterman

Courtesy canucks.nhl.com/imdb.com

Courtesy canucks.nhl.com/imdb.com

Makeup can shave some years off Letterman’s face. The only question lies in if he can skate as fluidly as Lumme.

The Russian Rocket: Rory Culkin

Courtesy Getty Images/Jane Doe

Courtesy Getty Images/Jane Doe

Complexion and looking youthful will not be a problem for the youngest Culkin brother.

——–

Call Paramount! Email Disney! Fax Miramax! Let’s get cracking on making this blockbuster!

Note: A special thanks to Bruce Hollingdrake, Ryan Pike, Aaron Rieber and Mark Graham for the help in casting!

Jeff Ponder
I joined TheHockeyWriters in January 2012 while serving as a St. Louis Blues media member during the 2011-12 season. Currently, fellow THW writer Mike Poepping and I host the Blues Face Off Show, found on KSDK.com, St. Louis' No. 1 source for news. I am also a Blues media member for the 2014-15 season.
Jeff Ponder
@DRdiabloTHW I #Ponder to the East and I #Ponder to the West... - 17 hours ago
Jeff Ponder

3 Comments

  1. Tanner Slomko says:

    The better movie would be the Devils’ 1995 season. It would start off showing a disgraceful, dirty and cheating Rangers team scoring a wrap-around goal and knocking them out. Having them lose at the beginning sets up the rest of the movie as a phoenix-rising-from-the-ashes type of story which are always the best. Plus they were the greatest team of all time. Any sport.

  2. HILARIOUS!!!

  3. Love the casting! Rollins as Beukeboom!

    While I think this is a fantastic idea, can you imagine how much the budget would be with all of those stars cast? Yeesh.

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