Greetings From Smashville! Season 13, Weeks 10 & 11

by Jas Faulkner, Nashville Correspondent

Sometimes you just have to ignore the numbers and be true to your town and your team:

We’ll get back to that in a bit. I am behind. I am very, very behind and the whole peace on earth, good will towards men schtick is lost on me right now. Truth be told, I want to punch a few people in the umbo and walk away, whistling merrily to myself. Of course this will mean that I will be visited by three spirits the next night and then I’ll wake up on Christmas Morning and go to Whole Foods and buy the fam a tofurky. While “A Christmas Story” burbles on in the background, Niklas Lidstrom the Shih Tzu will yip, God bless us all, everyone; but nobody touch my new toys or I’ll cut you!”

Ho ho ho and all that.

You want to know what the Predators have been up to for the past two weeks? They’ve been playing hockey, chooches. That’s their job. So here we go…

Week Ten

NSH @ ATL December 6th, 2010
The final score had Nasvhille trailing Atlanta two to their three goals. The Predators’ normally strong faceoff crew was having a bad night, so the usual suspects were stepping up and taking the blame. The highlight was watching Goc’s defense of Lindback. Maybe it’s time to call San Jose and thank them again for sending Number Nine to us.

BooBirds: Trade Smithson!
Me: Shut up!

NSH @ DET December 8th, 2010
Nashville sent the message to Motown that they were there to play and win. Wilson, Erat and Dumont got netters against Red Wings pipesguy Jimmy Howard. The real heroes of the night were That Lindback Moppet, who stopped 35 shots and Kevin Klein, who opened up a can of Captain Planet Whupass (now with earth-friendly propellants!) on the Wings.

Boobirds: That wasn’t really Kevin Klein out there!
Me: Shut up!

FLA @ NSH December 11th, 2010
Can I say how glad I was to see That Lindback Moppet get a shutout? It made my holiday season, even if it was a team that I frankly couldn’t pick out of a lineup. Oh, yeah. Vokoun was there. Woo. Lindback ruled and Tootoo made it interesting. Due to standards of journalistic impartiality, I could not show any emotion while sitting in the press box, so I tucked my media laminate into my shirt and went out onto the concourse and laughed and laughed and laughed. Then I went into the media lounge, made myself a cup of tea and watched the replay of Tootoo flipping Frolik and laughed some more. Then I pretended to be overcome with emotion when someone came into the room and went back to my seat.

Boobirds: Vokoooooun!
Me: Shut up!*

Week Eleven

NYI @ NSH December 13th, 2010
The score was 5 to zip in favor of Nashville. I feel pretty sure there was another team on the ice, but glimpses of them were fleeting. It was like trying to solve one of those Magic Eye puzzles where if you stare long enough with what Zen Buddhists refer to as “soft eyes” the images will appear. Mine were the consistency of Dali clocks by the end of the night and I still only saw a brief flash of orange and royal blue.

Boobirds: Boring!
Me: Shut up!

SJS @ NSH December 15th, 2010
The Preds edged out the Fish by a point. Tootoo, Kostitsyn and Wilson scored against them and much rejoicing was heard. Little Scotty did time in the Sin Bin but we love him anyway even if he is wearing the wrong sweater. Dumont went big and it paid off. The crowd was waiting with a pack of nori sheets, a paddle and some rice wine vinegar by the time the final buzzer sounded.

Boobirds: I could skate better!
Me: Shut up!

NSH @ NJD December 17th, 2010
It was nice to see Jason Arnott again, but I swear his neck is now wider than his head. Okay, maybe it was just the angle I was watching the TV from. Hanging my head upside down over the arm of the couch is probably not the best way to cover a game. Still, it was comfy, warm and I got to wear my lucky pink skull print pajamas. The highlights of the game were to be found in the suspense of wondering if thErat would get a hat trick and watching O’Brien get all Ernest T. Bass on Arnott when he tried to get the puck past Lindback.

Boobirds: Fire Trotz!
Me: What the pho? Nashville won and…Shut up!

LAK @NSH December 18th, 2010
Now that Parros is gone, I couldn’t point out an LA Kings player if I was threatened with prolonged exposure to Rod McKuen’s spoken word recordings and a slow, steady drip on the forehead of Jack Black’s drool. This was Nashville’s fifth game in a week and it followed a late commute home from a hard game the previous night, so anyone who was expecting greatness, needed to rethink that…wait a minute. We did see greatness. We saw everyone keep trying until the final buzzer.

Boobirds: I want to get to my car before Wendy’s closes!
Me: Shut up!

So now we’re all caught up. Tomorrow the Preds say Hi to CHI and we’ll see what a few days of rest and some practice can make. Coming up next on THW, we’ll look at that Ole Music City Mojo. This is Jas Faulkner, who actually thinks its funny to put a thrift store ornament dedicated the majesty and beauty that is brie cheese on her tree. I’ll see you at The ‘Stone and The ‘Plex and online at Facebook and Twitter!

* In truth, I like Vokoun and know a lot of people I like have a great deal of fondness for him. Still, I have to be loyal to my team.

Jas Faulkner
Jas Faulkner is a minimally socialised writer and artist who lives and works in Nashville, Tennessee. She hearts her attitude problem.
Jas Faulkner
I hate typos. I hate typos. I hate typos. I hate typos. I hate typos. - 12 hours ago

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