Heads Up, Elbows Down: Paul’s Top Ten Bone Rattling Body Checks

If you’re like me then there’s nothing you like better than a nice stiff snot bubble-inducing body check. Whether it’s a winger getting plastered along the boards or some unsuspecting dupe who forgot the golden rule there is nothing that brings me to my feet faster than a player getting planted. Granted, watching two guys attempt to dislodge each other’s molars always makes me giddy with glee, but there’s just something about watching hockey’s equivalent to a head-on car crash that gets me all warm and fuzzy feeling. Or is that my meds?

Anyway, here I offer up to you good folks a medley of brain scrambling goodness in the form of some of the hardest hockey hits you’ll ever see. It’s a heady brew sprinkled with equal parts NHL and amateur hockey, and even though you may have seen some of these hits before I think you’ll agree that their pain is definitely our gain. Enjoy.

10. Denis Hamel Meets Dion Phaneuf

Say what you will about Phaneuf as a player, but even his most ardent detractors can’t deny the guy can place a hit. Here he displays that very aspect of his game to a lackadaisical Denis Hamel, much to Hamel’s chagrin.

9. Phaneuf Takes His Medicine

If you want to play the game of hockey you have to learn a few things first, the most important being if you can dish it out you better be able to take it. You know, what’s good for the goose and all that jazz. Dion Phaneuf knows all about it.

8. Got Glass?

This one earns a spot on the list for a couple of reasons. One, there aren’t many hockey players out there that can take a hit like this and stay on his feet (see number 6), and two, he just shrugs it off. Dude also gets points for being tended to by a hottie with a medic bag.

7. Seeing Stars, International Style

I have absolutely no idea what the announcer is saying, but I imagine it goes something like this:

“Holy Stoli, that was one hell of a hit. Should have kept his head up.”

I could be wrong though.

6. Got Glass? Redux

Like I said in number eight, there aren’t too many hockey players who can take the brunt of a hit like this and not find himself flat on the ice. This guy just proves my point.

5. Weight Teaches Sutter a Valuable Lesson

This clip serves two purposes. It shows the younger guys what not to do when going after a loose puck while at the same time validating every single argument against head shots. Sure, Weight could have pulled up a bit and not tried to kill the guy, but then again Sutter could have kept his head up and avoided the collision in the first place.

4. Campbell Puts the Hurt On Umberger

1 stride, 2 strides, 3 strides, floor.

3. Jack Johnson, Welcome to the NHL

Sure, there are better ways to make your presence felt in your first NHL game, but if you can’t score a goal or two you might as well get planted by a solid hip check. At least you’ll make the highlight reel.

2. Courtnall Plows Through Roenick

All right, I have to admit this hit on Jeremy Roenick was a tad late, but at least he scored on the play. He wasn’t awake to enjoy it, but a goal’s a goal. Am I wrong?

1. Stevens Destroys Kozlov

Scott Stevens was an absolute open ice monster when it came to catching guys with their heads down. If you played against him and were unlucky enough to have him step into you while you were admiring a pass or reaching for the puck you were going to feel it. For days.

It was actually a toss-up between this hit on Kozlov or the hit on Paul Kariya for the number one spot, and I chose this one for a couple of reasons. First and foremost this hit was chosen just for pure cringe factor. The way Kozlov’s head snaps back, the way he hits the ice, and the way he staggers back to the bench; it’s all enough to make anyone’s butt cheeks clench. I also chose this hit over the Kariya hit because Scott Stevens, in one elbow dropping moment of stylized violence, ended Detroit’s hopes for the Stanley Cup that year. Detroit feared New Jersey after that, and the rest, as they say, is history.

Paul Benvin covers the Detroit Red Wings for The Hockey Writers. Feel free to contact him with tips, video, or general dissension.

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