Boaty McBoatface. John Scott gets into the NHL All-Star game. John Scott wins the All-Star game MVP.
People on the internet tend to take advantage of things such as fan voting and the results are usually pretty entertaining. Scott was the highlight of the All-Star game this year and Boaty McBoatface is just plain funny.
The problems tend to occur when the people in charge of the vote don’t just make it go away. Come on San Jose, you’re really going to tell me that this wasn’t the leading candidate to be your new goal song?
What if NHL teams were foolish enough to allow the internet to rename their team? I put myself in the shoes of the people of the internet (it is a dark and scary place) and here were the NHL team names that resulted.
The Anaheim Ducks become…The Los Angeles Mighty Ducks of Anaheim
Inspired by the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, the internet adds as many words as possible to rename the Ducks. They throw the “mighty” back in there so we can hopefully go back to those incredible jerseys.
The Arizona Coyotes become…The Arizona Coyotes
Nobody cared enough to vote.
The Boston Bruins become…The Boston Shoe-ins
The internet is going one of two places with this one. They are either referring to the Mike Milbury shoe incident or they are referring to Boston management being a shoo-in to make at least one bad offseason decision.
The Buffalo Sabres become…The Buffalo Creasefoots
Named after the infamous Brett Hull Cup-winning goal in overtime while his foot was in the crease. Many in Buffalo still hold a grudge. It was a good goal, move on.
The Calgary Flames become…The Calgary I Told You They’d Regress
Considering everyone who uses analytics is a “nerd blogger” and nerd bloggers are really good at internet voting, they would create a giant “I told you so”.
The Carolina Hurricanes become…The Carolina Typhoons
Ha! Take that geography!
The Columbus Blue Jackets become…THE Columbus Blue Jackets
Assuming most Blue Jacket fans also support THE Ohio State University, this one was an easy change for the internet.
The Chicago Blackhawks become…The 50 Miles Out of Chicago Blackhawks
The internet thought the new name was a better representation of the fan-base who tells you that they are from Chicago.
The Colorado Avalanche become…The Colorado Anti-Corsis
Despite consistently finishing at or near the bottom of possession meters season after season, the Avalanche continue to defy the analytic-gurus by competing for a playoff spot. It is always perplexing but a Patrick Roy coached team constantly getting bailed out by goaltending makes a lot of sense.
The Dallas Stars become…The Allas Stars
Everybody knows there is no “D” in games involving the Stars.
The Detroit Red Wings become…The Detroit Playoffs
Let’s just cut out the middle man here. They will find a way to make it again just like they do every year.
The Edmonton Oilers become…The Edmonton Oilers of the NHL
The internet thought the Oilers could simply use some clarification as many fans in Edmonton weren’t sure if the Oilers or the Oil Kings were the NHL team.
The Florida Panthers become…The Florida Spaceys
In hopes that Florida turns the Spacey in Space sweatshirt into a hockey jersey.
The Los Angeles Kings become…The Los Angeles DiCaprios
The Hollywood movie star takes over the name both because of the location of the Kings and because it looks like Drew Doughty is going to finally win his
Oscar Norris just so everyone will be quiet about it.
The Minnesota Wild become…The Minnesota North Stars
The people of Minnesota band together to take their name back but it won’t come without a cost. They have to keep the same green on their jersey they have now. It’s not like the North Stars’ green or the current Stars’ green. It’s kind of a boring, regular green. A Normal Green, if you will.
The Montreal Canadiens become…The Montreal Canadians
Nice subtle jab internet, good work.
The Nashville Predators become…The Nashville Little Toy Guns
Naturally, Carrie Underwood fans take over the vote for the Nashville Predators and names them after one of her hit songs. It isn’t very threatening but then again, neither are the Predators.
The New Jersey Devils become…The New Jersey Fatso Trapsos
As many of you know, the internet is not always the most mature group of people. With Sean Avery calling Martin Brodeur a fatso and New Jersey playing the infamous trap, the Devils get their new name.
The New York Islanders become…The Ne- Yo– Is–nd–s
What’s wrong? You can’t see the whole name? Just look at it on the jumbotron or pull it up on your mobile device then, I don’t care.
The New York Rangers become…The New York First Round Picks
Just to give them back something that they rarely ever see.
The Philadelphia Flyers become…The Philadelphia Chip Kellys
Immediately after the name is changed, Claude Giroux, Jakub Voracek and Wayne Simmonds are traded. Bummer, Philadelphia.
The Pittsburgh Penguins become…The Pittsburgh Ice Chickens
Really, internet? I don’t even understand this one.
The Ottawa Senators become…The Ottawa State Senators
The internet thinks this will better represent both Ottawa’s success and their standing among the rest of the Canadian teams.
The San Jose Sharks become…The San Jose Left Sharks
It’s truly a perfect storm for the internet. It’s recent enough to get people excited about it and most people will have heard of Left Shark. Plus, there is already a jersey made. Here it is courtesy of /u/kdunks on Reddit, original design by /u/masterhaldentwo.
The St. Louis Blues become…The St. Louis Had It, Lost Its
The Tampa Bay Lightning become…The Tampa Bay Palm Leafs
Because that is the only way Steven Stamkos will ever wear a Leafs jersey.
The Toronto Maple Leafs become…Steve Dangle’s Dangle Navy
The trio of Steve Dangle, Adam Wylde and Jesse Blake (just pass him the puck, Steve) have enough of an internet presence to get this one done. It’s your team now, Admiral Nylander.
The Vancouver Canucks become…The Vancouver Messiers
The internet was actually pretty nice for once, honoring the greatest Vancouver captain of all time. They could have gone any number of directions with this one so it’s nice to see they took the high road.
The Washington Capitals become…The Washington Thanks Obamas
The internet loves saying Thanks Obama and the Capitals’ fans will need someone to blame when they don’t make it to the Stanley Cup again.
The Winnipeg Jets become…The Phoenix Coyotes
Jordan has been covering the Stars for The Hockey Writers since February 2015. He is originally from Iowa City, Iowa. You can follow Jordan on twitter @jordan_dix