There will be a day when the pandemic is a distant memory. By that time, it’s likely construction will be wrapped up on Kim and Terry Pegula’s superyacht in Amsterdam. It’s easy to picture the billionaire owners of both the Buffalo Sabres and Buffalo Bills going out for a cruise on their luxury vessel, champagne in hand with the radio blaring Beethoven. Maybe Tchaikovsky. But it’s a safe bet it won’t be a tune by Melody Martin.
Martin, a Western New York native just released her latest parody hit that expresses her frustration with the Sabres. The instant hit is sung to the tune of pop icon Taylor Swift’s “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together,” and is titled, “We Are Never Ever Getting Back to the Playoffs.”
Nine Years without the Playoffs
According to Martin, the song came together pretty quickly. After a day of writing and filming she found some clips to underscore the team’s futility and voila. It was a masterpiece. She was inspired, in part, by Kim Pegula’s tone deaf words at her season ending interview as well as the fact the team missed the playoffs for a ninth consecutive year. They’re only the fifth team in NHL history to achieve the dubious honor.
With a vote of confidence that Jason Botterill would be returning for another season, Pegula defended her actions. “I realize, maybe it’s not popular with the fans, but we have to do the things that we feel are right,” said Pegula according to an AP article. “We have a little bit more information than maybe a fan does.”
The Sabres haven’t topped 76 points in a season with Botterill as the helm. The newbie GM finished in last place in his first season (the first GM in NHL history to finish in 31st place). He traded Ryan O’Reilly for spare parts, and this season, had his team sitting in 25th place while exceeding the salary cap.
Sabres Are Never, Ever Getting Back to the Playoffs
The three-and-a-half-minute song hits on all cylinders and offers up more entertainment than a 60-minute Sabres game. It’s as impressive, uplifting and funny as it is sad, true and brutally honest. The torture of the team’s fans has left many fans cranky, upset and desperate for success.
Since the Pegulas bought the Sabres and Terry claimed their reason for existence was to win a Stanley Cup, the team has fallen into an abyss of dark, cold troubled times.
Singing at her microphone surrounded by hanging Sabres jerseys through the years, Martin makes reference to Ville Leino being a key player (Wait, What?) and pays homage to former GM Darcy Regier’s famous “winning will require suffering” line. One of the best zingers in the song is a line about the general manager “making all these meaningless trades for some bottom six forward that’ll really help the PK.” The song strikes a chord with the franchise that’s mired in the lottery year after depressing year.
The clips include Jason Pominville stopping his own shot into a wide-open net, Rasmus Ristolainen slamming himself into the boards and sending his stick flying, Botterill hanging his head in shame while sitting in a press box in a loss to the Ottawa Senators, and the classic post-game conference rant of former Indianapolis Colts’ coach Jim Mora questioning if his team can even win a game.
Singing the Blues (and Gold)
Martin, an elementary school teacher’s aide and youth sports coach, has nearly 4,000 Youtube followers. Her song list include “Dahlin” (A Dolly Parton “Jolene” parody), ”Hey Jason Botterill” – A Plain White T’s “Hey There Delilah” parody and ”Keep on Lovin’ You,” among other.
Jeff has been covering the NHL for over a decade for various sites. He’s been with The Hockey Writers as a lead Sabres writer three years, while also writing a satire column called “Off the Crossbar.”