Christmas is finally here! While it has a tendency to sneak up on many, not so the case for each of the Montreal Canadiens currently on the active roster. It turns out they’ve coincidentally each had their wish lists locked up for some time and, through the power of your suspension of disbelief, all the top items have been collected by The Hockey Writers for your holiday reading pleasure. So, without further ado, here’s every Canadiens players’ 2024 top Christmas wish list item:
Sam Montembeault
Just the time off to spend time with my loved ones… and catch my breath.
Martin St. Louis: Just the time off for Sam to catch his breath (and spend time with his loved ones, I guess).
Josh Anderson: Just four more goals to move past my total from all of last year. That’s all. Standards are low, I guess.
Joel Armia: A 4 Nations Face-Off every year. Being an all-star (technically) is great!
Kaiden Guhle: Some sense of stability with a consistent partner, while playing on my natural left side, which the arrival of Alexandre Carrier seems to have accomplished. Fingers crossed.
Alexandre Carrier: I feel like I’ve already received my Christmas gift, having been traded to my hometown team #Blessed… even though technically (not technically, really) my hometown is Quebec City.
Related: Canadiens Understandably but Disappointingly Trade Barron for Carrier
Oh, well. It’s not like there’s much difference or some deep-seated rivalry going back decades that could cause anyone from my actual neck of the woods to ever think twice about joining the Habs.
Or that I had a no-trade clause I could exercise. *Shrugs shoulders*.
Emil Heineman
A new place in Montreal, to stay.
Jake Evans: Out of Montreal apparently, based on how I’ve been playing.
Kirby Dach: Out of Montreal apparently, based on how I’ve been playing.
Alex Newhook: A friendly reminder that I was actually good at centre last season with Kirby injured. Maybe that should be a thing? Anyone?
Christian Dvorak: More stoppages in play… preferably at critical junctures of games. No reason.
Brendan Gallagher: As I grow older, I’ve matured significantly, which is why, after having thought long and hard, I’ve decided what I want most of all isn’t more money or material possessions.
It’s an official NHL mandate for referees to call more retaliatory penalties.
That’ll teach ‘em. Yeah.
Juraj Slafkovsky
As crazy as it is to suggest that I should be put in the best position possible to succeed as a former first-overall pick, a permanent spot on the stop line, please.
Michael Pezzetta: Any spot in the lineup will do. I hear we’re in need of a backup?
Jayden Struble: Tough luck. I’m the defenseman. Dibs.
Cayden Primeau: A new coffee machine. The rest of the season looks like it will be kind of boring.
Patrik Laine: A better filter.
Cole Caufield: More looks on the power play… through whatever means necessary.
Nick Suzuki: A point-per-game season is probably the next logical step in my career. But I’ll take a Suzuki bike instead. You’d think I would have an in there, but I’m really just related to that scientist guy… and it’s not like he’s getting me a motor vehicle anytime soon.
Lane Hutson: I suppose a few more inches and I would have been drafted way higher. Then I think to myself, had I been drafted somewhere else I may not have gotten the chance I have so soon.
Then I think again to myself: Kaiden Guhle, Arber Xhekaj, Jayden Struble… each a left-handed defenseman who had been above me on the depth chart. Mike Matheson, too. Hell, I effectively forced the Canadiens to move a 62-point veteran, alternate captain to his off side on the right!
Who does that? Lane does, baby.
Looks like all I really need is some more ink to keep rewriting all these history books.
Mike Matheson
Maybe a 63-point season will get everyone to like me? I don’t get it. Andrei Markov only got 64 once and everyone loves him!
David Savard: A team that believes Stanley Cup-championship experience ages like fine wine, but doesn’t believe in sampling the final product.
Kent Hughes: Forget me. A gift basket for Elliotte Friedman (26:30). For him to slide in his podcast how Matvei Michkov really worked the system to go to the Philadelphia Flyers, the team he wanted to play for all along, without citing any details or sources whatsoever, just wow.
It really took the heat off me. *Chef’s kiss* I’ll take it.
Geoff Molson: All idiomatic dictionaries that contain the phrase “in the mix” to spontaneously combust.
Arber Xhekaj: If only you could burn the internet too. Damn you, “Wi-Fi” for being a thing!
Merry Christmas!
