The Montreal Canadiens enter the 2023 holiday break on a high. They’ve gone 3-1 in their last four to pull within four points of the second Eastern Conference wild-card spot, with two games in hand (Tampa Bay Lightning). What more can they ask?
Well, aside from being in a playoff spot, clearly. That would obviously be at the top of the wish list of the Canadiens as a whole. How about the wish lists of every player, individually speaking, though? Well, it just so happens, this is a compilation of those very items of each Hab to get in at least one game in 2023-24 (plus one bonus Hab).
Enjoy:
Christian Dvorak
Someone to outline for me how I went from being the second-line centre Marc Bergevin paid an arm and a leg for to the third-line one below Jake Evans of all people (as nicely and delicately as possible, please).
Jake Evans: A few lucky bounces. Barring that, an end to offside reviews would be nice.
Brendan Gallagher: A time machine. Barring that just a few lucky bounces would be nice.
Sean Monahan: A better contract. I mean, what was I thinking?
Joel Armia: A worse contract, because I’m guessing if my cap hit were a little lower I’d still be a full-time Canadiens player.
Mitchell Stephens
As unlikely as it is, a full-time spot in the NHL.
Emil Heineman: Having been traded twice before I even debuted, I’d ideally like some assurances these first few games with the Canadiens were real and not part of some elaborate prank.
Michael Pezzetta: For shootouts to go at least 10 rounds. Every. Single. Time.
Jesse Ylonen: FREEDOM!
Cayden Primeau
More starts.
Jake Allen: More starts.
Samuel Montembeault: A new extension. Oh wait… I mean, more starts.
Martin St. Louis: Less goalies. Not that I would ever wish harm on any of my players, but of all the injuries to hit this team every single one is to a skater??? What the hell, Man? Mmph. Three goalies suck.
Jordan Harris
A return to action.
Chris Wideman: A reminder to everyone that I was the 2015 Eddie Shore Award winner as the best defenseman in the American Hockey League. That’s got to mean something, right?
Kirby Dach: You know the superpower Marvel’s Wolverine has? Yeah, that.
I would be unstoppable! Just think: Me with claws. Sweet.
Alex Newhook: To stop being lumped in with and compared to Kirby Dach. Like seriously, first the trade under similar circumstances. Then the impossible expectations. Now the shelf? I can’t even make a fake Christmas wish list piece without being attached at the hip to the guy.
Tanner Pearson: For Casey DeSmith to keep rocking it with the Vancouver Canucks. ‘Tis the season, after all. Plus, the better he looks, the less embarrassing having gotten traded to the Canadiens as a throw-in with the third-round pick does.
Rafael Harvey-Pinard: Another shot at the top line when I’m healthy. At least last season, it’s like everything was going in when I was playing with Nick Suzuki. It’s like he’s a witch or something.
Nick Suzuki: A fresh sacrifice for the pagan god I worship to keep me nice and healthy at the expense of everyone else… err, I mean more time with Juraj Slafkovsky and Cole Caufield. They’re great.
Juraj Slafkovsky
A happy medium… because you know as soon as I go scoreless for two games everyone’s going to go from “I’m the second coming” to “Send the bust down” again.
Listen, I’m on a two-game points streak and playing well. It’s nice, along with the support, but it’s no guarantee I’ve arrived by any stretch. I’m still 19. Give me time to find some consistency before coming to any conclusions, because the mood shifts in this town are giving me whiplash. You’d think everyone has had enough injuries.
Cole Caufield: It would be easy to say “more goals,” but I’d like to think I’ve made up for the drop in scoring by becoming more of a complete hockey player. So, how about a new nickname instead? “Goal” Caufield is becoming kind of a drag. I’m not as one-dimensional now.
Josh Anderson: More goals, please.
Justin Barron
More of my ice time in the offensive zone would be nice… like all of it?
Related: Canadiens Must Find Permanent Spot for Barron on Defense
Kaiden Guhle: Additional regulations to make instigating a fight after a clean hit even less likely. I have a feeling this is going to come up a lot more.
Gustav Lindstrom: Better luck. First I get drafted by the Detroit Red Wings with a name just a letter off from “Lidstrom.” Then I get dealt to the team with like 30 NHL defensemen? How is that even possible? I mean, the Jeff Petry trade literally made no sense to start. Even I think the Canadiens could have gotten more.
Jayden Struble: A place in Montreal, I’m guessing.
Mike Matheson: A place in another NHL city? Seriously? The third-fastest Canadiens defenseman in history to score 50 points and all I hear is how I’m getting traded?
I swear I could be the reincarnation of Doug Harvey (not that I am by any stretch) and fans would still trade me because I’m 29. 29!!! That’s not even 30 (yet). I’m an alternate captain, who’s from the area, who actually wants to play here, on a good contract. So just a little perspective would be nice for crying out loud.
Arber Xhekaj: An explanation, if not for me than literally everyone else. I’m obviously a big guy. I stand out. Everywhere I go, people see me. That’s all they ask: “Why?” I just don’t know what to tell them. Man, what I wouldn’t give for a throwback “How do you pronounce your name again?” right about now.
Johnathan Kovacevic: For people to both spell my first name AND pronounce my last the right way. At least Xhekaj has “Arber.” No one screws up “Arber.”
David Savard: A longer goal-scoring streak.
Kent Hughes: A longer David Savard goal-scoring streak.
