A new year doesn’t necessarily equate to a blank slate for the Montreal Canadiens. In the throes of an ongoing rebuild, 2024-25 didn’t exactly start off as well as the Habs had anticipated. However, even if the playoffs remain realistically out of reach, there’s plenty to which each individual member of the team can aspire in 2025. With that, here is the complete list of their (satirical) New Year’s resolutions:
Nick Suzuki
Looking at common New Year’s resolutions, I’d say focusing on my health would kind of be a waste of one.
Be more productive at work? Check. Maybe spend more time with family? I mean, Ryan will be a free agent … as in restricted with the Carolina Hurricanes *wink*.
Michael Pezzetta: to volunteer more… like literally; I will play for free, just to get in a game. Please?
Brendan Gallagher: to meet new people… somewhere else than in front of the opposing net.
Josh Anderson: to live life to the fullest; The $7 million salary kind of helps.
Jake Evans: to continue to play my way into a Joel Armia-esque contract
Joel Armia: … just with a no-movement clause!
Christian Dvorak: to not be nearly as picky
Kirby Dach, Alex Newhook and Juraj Slafkovsky
To get back to basics; Puck in net = good
Jayden Struble: to get back in the lineup
Arber Xhekaj: to continue blending in on defense, which is easier said than done at 6-foot-4
Lane Hutson: Geez. What else can I do that I haven’t already done? Drink legally in the States when I finally turn 21?
Mike Matheson: to really take Lane under my wing, share all my pearls of wisdom as a veteran left-handed puck-moving defenseman in this league, just exclusively at bars in the States; You know the one-on-one time will really help show him all I can do that he sadly can’t yet (at least up until Feb. 14). Yes, that will indeed show, er teach him.
Patrik Laine
To score at least one goal at even strength
Alexandre Carrier: to come down with something mysterious that keeps me out of the lineup on April 6 (assuming double standards aren’t a thing)
Emil Heineman: to dream bigger (or more accurately higher up the lineup).
Kaiden Guhle: to become more adept playing on the right side, just in case common sense fails to prevail
David Savard: to continue my ascent to the top of the list of the NHL’s blocked shots leaders en route to earning a new contract for my “grittiness;” Or petition Merriam-Webster to redefine the term, whatever turns out to be less cumbersome. Still TBD.
Cole Caufield
To play so well that the U.S. regrets not selecting me to their 4 Nations Face-Off roster.
Sam Montembeault: to outplay Stuart Skinner and further justify my supposedly controversial addition to the Canadian 4 Nations Face-Off roster
Wait? I’m already doing that? How can I possibly prove to these people that my selection wasn’t political in the face of clearly politically motivated arguments?
Related: Team Canada Adding Canadiens’ Montembeault to 4 Nations Face-Off Roster Isn’t Political
I can always shut out the Edmonton Oilers (again I guess)?
Jakub Dobes: to perform better than Cayden Primeau
Martin St. Louis: to rely on my backup goalie more… unless they lose, at which point all bets are off
Jakub Dobes: Wait, what? To perform better than Sam?
Martin St. Louis: I said what I said.
Kent Hughes: to not consistently sell off assets for once and go for “it…” just in 2025-26; I’ll conveniently reassess at this point next year.
Happy New Year!
