The Detroit Red Wings have a rich history of growing some of the most manly playoff beards the National Hockey League has ever seen. From Mickey Redmond‘s old school mutton chops to the color and versatility of Kris Draper‘s facial hair, Detroit continues to set the beard bar come playoff time.
So, without further due, I give you the top 5 playoff beards on the 2013-2014 Detroit Red Wings:
Coming in at number 5 on the best beard list is Detroit’s number one d-man Niklas Kronwall. Number fifty-five’s playoff beard has a caveman quality to it which I’m definitely down with.
Another respectable thing about Niklas’ beard is the dirtiness of his mustache. A dirty mustache is a staple of my beard, and when I look at Kronwall’s stache it’s like looking at my own reflection.
However, although I relate to this problem, a big weakness of Kronwall’s beard is that it can be quite patchy. Unfortunately, for Niklas, he simply wasn’t blessed with the beard genetics that some of his countrymen have.
Beard Grade: 7/10
An argument could be made that Todd Bertuzzi has the fullest beard on the team. The dark appearance of Bert’s beard conjures up images of the late Billy Mays.
The subtle touch of grey in Bert’s beard is something that separates him from the pack. This adds plenty of character to his style, and gives his beard an I’m wise beyond my years look.
Todd’s beard versatility is quite impressive too. Bert can be seen wearing the following styles of beard: full beard, chin strap, soul patch, goatee, and goatee/mustache.
A problem with Todd’s playoff beard is that he’s never been on a team that’s made a deep playoff run, and he might not crack the lineup in the post-season this year. We’ve never been granted an opportunity to see Bert’s beard in all its beardly glory and that’s disappointing.
Beard Grade: 8/10
3. Dan Cleary
At first glance, Dan Cleary’s playoff beard strikes me as having very lumberjackly quality to it. The bushyness of Dan’s beard is something that immediately catches your eye.
Some players use the beard trimmer to groom their beards during a long playoff run, but not Dan. It’s unruly, it’s loud, and it screams: I’m in charge.
The natural cheekline of Dan’s beard is something I also want to draw your attention to. A common mistake amateur beard growers will make is creating an unnatural, defined cheekline.
Although he has to deal with stray hairs on his cheeks, the natural cheekline gives Dan’s beard a softer, fuller appearance. More importantly, there’s no maintenance required.
Beard Grade: 8.5/10
Johan’s playoff beard also has Santa Clause feel to it, and everyone loves jolly old Saint Nick. As well, he often sports some really nice neck hairs which adds an Amish flavour to his beard.
A source of frustration with Franzen is the fact that he’s a seasonal beard grower. When you’re born with those type of full beard genes it’s criminal not to showcase it twelve months of the year.
Nonetheless, when he grows it out, Franzen’s red beard is pretty bad ass… and it’s enough to put him at number two on my list.
Beard Grade: 9/10
There’s no question that Detroit’s captain showcases the most glorious beard on the hockey club. Something to be admired about Henrik is the fact that unlike some of the other nominees who only wear beards at playoff time, Z sports a full beard all year long.
As a resident of Sweden he was blessed with some tremendous beard genetics. It’s clear that Goran Zetterberg was a man amongst men when you take one look at his son’s beard.
One obvious strength of Henrik’s beard is his neckline. Another common mistake that rookie beard growers make is to cut the neckline too high, but Hank didn’t fall into this trap.
His natural, rounded, and smooth neckline is quite pleasing to the eye. And, although his beard is extremely thick he still keeps it well-groomed.
It’s a nice balance of being manly, but not Hillbillyish. Emma Andersson seems to like it, and that’s really all that matters.
Beard Grade: 10/10
Growing up in London Ontario I only had 2 choices: Wings or Leafs. Fortunately, with a little strong arming from my Dad I made the right choice and have been a Wing Nut ever since. My loyalty has never wavered through the good times and bad… even after enduring plenty of ridicule at school because of Borschevsky’s goal in ’93. My favorite time of year is early spring when playoff hockey begins, playoff beards are sprouted, and the dream of Detroit hoisting Lord Stanley’s Cup presents itself one more time.