Nobody Puts Ovi In The Corner

12 Feb 2011

alexander oveckin, dirty dancing, grease is the word, julie taymor, p!nk, reba mcintire, the coen brothers, Washington Capitals

While some NHL players dream of tee times on the local greens Ovi has other ideas about how he'll spend his summer. (Roland Peschetz/Flickr)

by Jas Faulkner, still the Nashville correspondent as of 9:54 am Tennessee Time, bitches!

News of P!nk’s impending motherhood may have sidetracked Julie Taymor’s remix of “Grease”, but it isn’t stopping Alexander Ovechkin from spending time in front of the cameras during the postseason break. Taymor’s film was to go into preproduction next month and would have featured the Washington Capitals star as Sasha, a sweet, virginal Russian exchange student whose summer romance with a tough-talking Dani Zuko seems to be nothing more than a hot weather fling until Ovechkin shows up at Rydell High and hilarity ensues. It looks like everyone involved will have to wait until P!nk has the time and inclination to hear Ovi utter the classic line, “Tell me about it, stud!”

Earlier this week, the Coen Brothers announced that they have their own late 20th Century retread in the works. “Dirty Dancing” will start production sometime in late June. While there are still parts to be cast, the identities of the actors filling the lead roles have been revealed. “Baby”, the role that was originally played by Jennifer Grey will by played by Alexander Ovechkin.

In this version of the 80s classic, Sasha “Baby” Ovechkin, the overprotected youngest member of the Ovechkin clan, goes on vacation with his family to their dasha at a rural Russian resort. They plan to get some rest and relaxation while Baby decides if he wants to follow in his father’s footsteps and step in as the head of the family busines, a distributor of fine canned food weasels, or if he wants to pursue his dream of running a zamboni rental hut in Saskatoon.

Feeling very under the thumb of his oppressive Matushka and Otets, he has almost given up on his dream when he encounters tough-talking Jonnie Castle, one of the dancers hired by the resort’s management company to provide entertainment for the guests over the summer. As Johnnie, Reba McIntire stated that she plans to make her interpretation of the role a tribute to the late Patrick Swayze. Her character will harken back to his Texas roots.

“Johnnie will be the kind of woman who never lives a quiet life. She goes big or she stays home.”

In an official statement to the press, the Coen Brothers have confirmed their own enthusiam for the project. “We couldn’t be more excited about working with Alex and Reba. We think the audience will laugh, cry and cheer as Reba escorts Alex into full-grown manhood and shows him how and when to use jazz hands.”

The movie is due for a Christmas, 2011 release, with Blu-rays and a handfull of DVDs hitting the shelves on Boxing Day.