by Jas Faulkner, senior correspondent
Does anyone know what week it is? Does anyone really care? The ASGs are behind us and we are now headed to the first trade deadline of the year. As February 27th approaches, speculation about the fate of some of Nashville’s heavy hitters is beginning to heat up. Will they stay or will they go? The chances of either of the Glimmer Twins leaving the Big Cats’ Den in February are slim to none. Smart money is on the Front Office finding the money to keep the boys, but anything can happen. Still, folks gonna talk…
So what happened in Smashville over the past week? It’s been a short but entertaining week in Smashville. Let’s take a look:
Hey Hey He’s the Monkee!
Nashville @ Minnesota 1/31/2012
Minnesota must have missed the memo that Nashville was on a streak and not about to be denied a win in the house that Craig Leipold, uh, moved into.* The Wilds’ post-game press consisted of a series of head scratching moments and musing along the lines of, “Who WERE those guys?” On the Nashville side, the boys in those Baalawful sweaters were filing their fangs and chortling at the crowd in Minnesota, many of whom were obviously considering either moving to Tennessee or sending Leipold back there.**
Winding back to the first period, there was a lovely set of matched goals from Dany Heatley (aka the Jan Brady of the NHL). His slap shot and PeePeeGee were followed in the second period by Cal Clutterbuck’s*** netter. Maybe MIN thought they had it in the bag until Matt Halischuck put the Smilidons on the board during second. They hit a stutter on the mix disc and never quite got their groove back. During third Nashville got one for the Yipper, Pat the Bear pocketed the puck in the sweet spot with some help from Sergei and The Cannon… and The Monkee?
The timeless line from the old Mortal Kombat game could be heard as Mike Fishhead slammed home his two answers to Jan Brady’s duo of goals at the top of the game. There was much joy in Predsnation that night. As for the legendary Minnesota Nice that usually rules at Wild games? At least from the standpoint of anyone on the ice, not so much. The homers booed the Wild off the ice. Final score: Five to four in favour of the boys from Canada on the Cumberland.
Then the ASG break happened and North America suddenly noticed that someone named Ryan Suter plays pro hockey.****
Ilya! Ilya! Ilya! It’s ALWAYS Ilya!
Nashville @ Philadelphia 02/02/2012
Nashville got teased and Legwand got seriously cheesed at former teammate Scotty “Don’t Touch My Hair!” Hartnell.While there were no epic bench clearing brawls at the Bullies’ house, there was quite a bit of Gold and Blue spending time in the Bin during second period. Borque, Suter, The Cube and ‘Lebben all got two minutes each to sit quietly and think about what they’d done. Not to be left out from sitting at the cool kids penalty bench, Smithson got two for interference during third. I can’t help but wonder if someone got a quiet talking to about peer pressure on the flight home.*****
Slap fights and a lack of scoring notwithstanding, the bright spot was a goal by that guy from somewhere in the midwest who usually shares a line with Shea Weber. What is his name again? Ryan Suter. Let me type that a few more times so the Powers That Be at 501 Broadway will remember it: Ryan Suter. Ryan Suter. Ryan Suter. Ryan Suter. Ryan Suter. His contract is coming up and you really, really need to keep this guy and the one with the arms who scares the big Slovokian guy in Boston. Final score? The Bullies prevailed with four goals to Nashville’s one.
And that was the week that was in Smashville. Check back next Friday for another update from the epicentre of Strum and Twang. This is Jas Faulkner saying, “Please don’t wear your pajamas to Starbucks. This isn’t your kitchen, people!
* Does taking over the Wild make Leipold a mastermind? Lessee…my parents bought their house in Lubbock from Lloyd Maines and I had the same bedroom that Natalie once inhabited and yet I am not a Dixie Chick. Funny how that works.
**Y’all can keep him. We will, however, be happy to take Greg Zanon back to do color when he’s ready to pick up a mic.
***I’m still not sure if Snoop Dog really knew who he was or simply liked the rhyming possibilities when writing his song for the 2010 NHL awards. Thus remains one of the unsolved mysteries of the NHL.
****’Bout darned time, too!
***** Now I’m imagining Trotz very quietly declaring that certain players entering one of the Zambonis in the annual Nashville Flugtag didn’t mean that everyone on the roster had to ride the darned thing into the Cumberland River.
Jas Faulkner is a minimally socialised writer and artist who lives and works in Nashville, Tennessee. She hearts her attitude problem.