For several years, my writing partner Stan Smith and I have gone back and forth on the language players use when they talk about their futures. Stan has a sharp ear for comments that sound casual but might carry more weight. This past week, he pointed me toward something the Edmonton Oilers‘ Connor McDavid said that reminded him of Mitch Marner before he left the Toronto Maple Leafs. Both leaned heavily on the phrase “family comes first.”
At first glance, that’s a simple, human thing to say. Who’s going to argue with a player prioritizing family? But in hockey circles, especially in Canada, words like that can take on added layers. Fans and media start to wonder if “family first” is really code for a move, a soft signal that the player has one foot out the door.
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Stan’s suggestion is that this phrase sometimes means exactly that: a relocation might be in the works. In Marner’s case, he wasn’t wrong. But logic and experience suggest that McDavid is different from Marner in many ways. McDavid’s comments and what seems like a lack of speed in his negotiations have created a firestorm of speculation.
Still, in these two uses – Marner’s and McDavid’s – “family first” might be less of a signal (for McDavid) and more of a shield.
Marner’s Departure: When Family Really Did Come First
When Marner left the Maple Leafs for the Vegas Golden Knights, he didn’t storm out. He didn’t frame it as a rejection of Toronto or its fans. Instead, he spoke calmly (too calmly for fans, it seems) about wanting a new chapter and a quieter life. He and his partner wanted a safer, more balanced environment to raise their child.
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That wasn’t a complaint about teammates, coaches, or contracts. It was a statement of values. For Marner, putting family first really did mean leaving. Toronto’s spotlight had become too bright, too relentless, to give him the peace he needed at home. In his case, “family first” wasn’t just talk. It was the story.
Does McDavid’s Familiar Language Carry a Similar Result?
Now to Edmonton. After a second-straight Stanley Cup Final loss, McDavid faced the same barrage of questions he always does: What comes next? His answers carried an unmistakable echo of Marner. He talked about needing time with his family and his agent, about weighing what was best for them all, about taking care of the people closest to him.
On the surface, it’s almost identical in language. That’s what caught Stan’s attention—and it’s why Oilers fans have reason to pay attention. If Marner said it before leaving, and McDavid is saying it now, does it mean Edmonton’s captain is thinking of walking away?
Does McDavid’s Language Represent a Shield or a Signal?
Here’s where the difference matters. “Family first” works perfectly as a shield. It protects a player from overexposure in the media. It frames difficult contract questions in sympathetic terms. It reassures fans that any choice—staying or leaving—is rooted in something more meaningful than ego or greed.
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Think about it. If McDavid stays in Edmonton long term, no one will criticize him for saying he considered his family. If he eventually leaves, he can still point back to those words and say, “I told you—this was always about family.” The phrase gives him cover either way.
That doesn’t mean it isn’t genuine. Of course, players care about their families. But in the context of public comments, it’s more often a protective shield than a flashing signal of imminent change.
Why Fans and Media Over-Read It
Canadian markets are notorious for dissecting every word a star player utters. When someone like McDavid invokes “family,” the speculation machine kicks into overdrive. Fans connect dots: family in Ontario, hometown in Toronto, contract status coming up—they see a signal.
(Mandatory Credit: John E. Sokolowski-Imagn Images)
But the truth is usually more ordinary. Players are human beings managing enormous pressure. How many videos have you seen where McDavid is loading groceries into his car and an overzealous fan has invaded his space – and the space of his family – seeking an autograph or a shared moment. One can see immediately the intensity of the microscope under which stars like McDavid live in Canada.
Saying “family first” is a way to deflect, to stay out of trouble, to keep doors open without fueling headlines. It’s the safest answer in the book.
What McDavid’s Language Means for Toronto
Does that mean McDavid will never leave Edmonton? Not necessarily. Timing, team trajectory, and personal readiness all factor in. If Edmonton falters, “family first” could indeed become the shield that softens the blow of his departure.
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But for now, it’s premature to read his words as a coded message to Toronto. More likely, he’s protecting himself, his family, and his options. That’s smart. It’s also exactly what Marner tried to do in his own way—though in his case, the shield eventually did line up with the signal.
A Final Thought About the Family-First Commentary
Stan was right to notice the similarity between Marner and McDavid. But the lesson isn’t that every “family first” comment points to an exit. The bigger takeaway is that superstars use this phrase as a shield. It lets them control the narrative, protect their privacy, and buy time.
Whether McDavid stays in Edmonton for life or one day surprises everyone, his words will have aged well. “Family first” gives him the cover to make either choice. Fans may want to treat it as a signal, but more often than not, it’s really a shield.
