Hockey movies have captured the hearts of fans all across the world. Although there aren’t as many of them compared to other sports, the ones that entered the marketplace established an uncommon following.
Plenty of NHLers have starred in these movies, including Rob Blake, Bruce Boudreau, Chris Chelios, Michael Del Zotto, Scott Hartnell, Paul Kariya, Georges Laraque, Cam Neely, Bob Probert, Brandon Prust, Luc Robitaille, Tyler Seguin, and “The Great One” himself, Wayne Gretzky.
With a plethora of funny, quotable, and talented non-NHL player characters throughout hockey movies, putting an all-star team of sorts together certainly isn’t a problem. Here is a look at the ultimate fictional hockey team roster.
Names are listed in alphabetical order.
Adam Banks (D3: The Mighty Ducks)
It goes without saying that the most talented player on the Mighty Ducks teams was the “cake-eater” from Edina, Minnesota. Banks started out with the rival Hawks, but joined the Ducks after it was determined that he did live in District Five.
Banks was the key to the Ducks’ championship in the first movie of the trilogy, scored the shootout winner to beat Iceland in the second film, and originally made the varsity squad in the third installment.
Connor Banks (Mystery, Alaska)
Banks was Mystery, Alaska’s star sniper. Even though he shot a man in the foot with a pistol, the court in Mystery didn’t send him to prison so that they would have their “cruise-missile” when they played the New York Rangers.
In the game against the Broadway Blueshirts, Banks impressed the Rangers enough for the club to sign him to a minor-league contract.
Charlie Conway (D3: The Mighty Ducks)
Conway was the quintessential player and leader of the Mighty Ducks. He knew the most about hockey, and developed a special relationship with coach Gordon Bombay.
Charlie played a prominent role in each film. Against the Hawks, Conway scored on a penalty shot with no time remaining to win the championship. In the second film, Conway selflessly sat out the last game against Iceland so that Banks could return from an injury.
In the final movie, we learn that Conway was officially given the “C” only to have it be taken away from him by new coach Ted Orion. By the end of the movie, Orion names Conway captain again, and he sets up the game-winning goal against the Eden Hall Varsity Warriors.
But, Conway doesn’t do this before his old coach credits him for all of the magic with the Mighty Ducks.
Reg Dunlop (Slap Shot)
The player/coach of the Charlestown Chiefs, Dunlop turned the Chiefs from a losing team into a championship contender by advocating fighting. Dunlop wasn’t the best player on the team, or the best fighter, but he was the glue that kept everything together.
Between his one-liners, bounties, and everything in between, there are very few characters in hockey movies that can rival Dunlop.
Doug Glatt (Goon)
The NHL may be moving away from fighting and freight-train hits, but every team needs someone to stir the pot. When not dealing with a right shoulder injury, Doug Glatt is among the best when it comes to dropping the mitts.
In addition to his fighting skills, Glatt is a consummate leader and will do anything for his teammates, including repeatedly blocking shots on net with his face. Overall, he’s a great locker room guy, but don’t expect any energizing pregame speeches.
Jack Hanson, Jeff Hanson, and Steve Hanson (Slap Shot)
If there was ever a line that put terror into the opposition, it was the Hanson brothers. The trio are the most iconic players in any hockey movie in history, and it is safe to say they will never be replicated.
Someone may put on the foil, start a pre-game brawl, or shake a coke machine until they get their quarter back. But they won’t be able to pull off the black-rimmed glasses and flow that the brothers had.
Not to mention, it’s nearly impossible to have as much of an impact in a first shift as the Hanson Brothers did.
Xavier LaFlamme (Goon)
Playing second-fiddle to Glatt’s leadership and popularity, Xavier LaFlamme was able to fly in under-the-radar and become a goal-scoring threat for the Halifax Highlanders. LaFlamme’s style is more of a dangler with finishing skills, though he’s also reliable in his own end when called upon.
Once a highly skilled prospect, LaFlamme has overcome his fear of being hit and has progressed with Glatt on his team. His stock is ticking up with his minor league production and still has quite a bit in the tank.
Darren Roanoke (The Love Guru)
In The Love Guru, Darren Roanoke was the star forward of the Toronto Maple Leafs. And, when he wasn’t dealing with anxiety over marital issues, Roanoke was capable of leading the Maple Leafs (think about that, the Maple Leafs) to the Stanley Cup Finals. Any fictional team would love to have Roanoke’s goal-scoring prowess.
Otto Rocket (Rocket Power)
Seriously, though, this kid can dangle. At times, it looked like the puck was glued to his stick – denying gravity, logic, and opponents’ mental processing skills. It’s not surprising to see Otto Rocket take all the glory for himself, but overall, his offensive contributions make up for any selfishness. Besides, he’s still young and has room to grow. Rocket projects to have high-upside and is worth stashing for the future.
Gunnar Stahl (D2: The Mighty Ducks)
Iceland’s top scorer, Stahl played like a men among boys against the Mighty Ducks. He was the leading scorer at the Junior Goodwill Games, and carried his country to the championship game.
However, Stahl couldn’t spell Julie ‘The Cat’ Gaffney in the last round of the shootout.
Derek Sutton (Youngblood)
Sutton was the captain of the Hamilton Mustangs for a good reason. The star center scored 92 goals during the Canadian Junior League’s regular season, and took Youngblood under his wing when the winger joined the team.
However, Sutton’s season, and his NHL dream, were put on hold in the playoffs after Racki’s dirty play put him in the hospital.
Stevie Weeks (Mystery, Alaska)
The last addition to the Mystery, Alaska squad, Weeks was a teenager who skated the town’s frozen river every morning. On a team full of speedsters, Weeks was clearly the fastest on the roster.
Weeks’ play was impressive enough for the Rangers to sign him to a minor-league contract.
Dean Youngblood (Youngblood)
Youngblood was one of the purest goal scorers on any roster of any team in any hockey movie. After all, how else would a skinny kid who can’t fight make a team in a Canadian Junior Hockey League?
Dean’s goal-scoring ability translated to junior hockey, but it took him a while until his physical play improved. Youngblood demonstrated the total package in the last game of the season.
His penalty shot goal sealed the championship for the Mustangs, and his victory in a fight against Racki cemented his position as a true all-around player.
John Biebe (Mystery, Alaska)
Biebe was the leader of the Mystery squad. Biebe played in Mystery’s “Saturday Game” for the longest amount of time of anybody in the town.
After being cut from the team, Biebe rejoined the roster for their matchup with the Rangers, and wore the “C” for Mystery. Biebe scored a goal and added two assists in the game.
Dave “Killer” Carlson (Slap Shot)
Once the Chiefs were committed to fighting, Carlson showed his willingness to fight anybody. His fight with Sparky Donaldson earned him his nickname “Killer,” although Johnny Upton would say that he was a “mess” more than a killer.
Carlson also took on Tim “Dr. Hook” McCracken in one of his many bouts in a Chiefs uniform.
Greg Goldberg (D3: The Mighty Ducks)
A converted goalie, Greg Goldberg became a stay-at-home defenseman for the Eden Hall Warriors. In this role, Goldberg excelled when down a man (or woman). This was especially the case when killing off a five-on-three late in the game against the varsity squad, when Goldberg scored the winning goal as time expired.
Tree Lane (Mystery, Alaska)
Lane was Mystery’s biggest defenseman, and had a shot to match his size. Early on, Lane wouldn’t use his size in the defensive zone.
However, by the time the Rangers rolled into Mystery, Tree’s hard shot equaled his tenacity in front of the net and along the boards.
Fulton Reed (D3: The Mighty Ducks)
To say that Fulton wasn’t “fleet of foot” on the ice is putting it mildly. But even though Reed had trouble skating, his slap shot from the point put fear into the opposition.
The proof of this is Reed’s warmup in his first game. Despite his 20% accuracy (one out of five), Reed’s howitzer allowed the Statue of Liberty play work to perfection.
Derek Thompson (Tooth Fairy)
Played by The Rock, Derek Thompson was a bruiser known for knocking the teeth out of his opponents’ mouthes through crushing hits, thus earning the nickname, “Tooth Fairy.”
When not tasked with the duties of the actual tooth fairy, Thompson is a must-have on the blue line given his physical style of play and ability to intimidate opponents.
Russ Tyler (D3: The Mighty Ducks)
Talk about a power play specialist. Russ Tyler’s patented knucklepuck would be lethal from the top of the umbrella.
While at Eden Hall, Tyler was one of Coach Orion’s go-to defensemen. While his slap shot was his primary weapon, Tyler was dependable at both ends of the ice and can play in all situations.
Julie ‘The Cat’ Gaffney (D3: The Mighty Ducks)
An A student, Gaffney won the state championship for Maine three years in a row before joining the Mighty Ducks. She didn’t play much in international competition, but her one save won the Gold for the USA.
Gaffney’s best game as a Mighty Duck came against Eden Hall’s Varsity team, when she shut out the Warriors in a 1-0 win.
Jacques Grande (The Love Guru)
The philandering netminder from Los Angeles led his Kings all the way to the Stanley Cup Finals in The Love Guru. His patented move of leaving the five-hole open until the last second stopped many throughout his career, but Roanoke ultimately solved Grande in an end-of-game penalty shot to bring Toronto its first Stanley Cup since 1961.
Given his talent and affinity for Celine Dion, a good comparable for Grande would be Vegas’ Marc-Andre Fleury.
And look who came last night… ? // Regardez qui est passé hier soir … ? @ForeverFleury – Team Céline
— Celine Dion (@celinedion) May 27, 2018
Denis Lemieux (Slap Shot)
Lemieux was small in the net, and certainly didn’t have the greatest stats in the world. But his biggest problem was that he didn’t know “who own da Chiefs.”
However, if you wanted to learn about the finer points of hockey, there is nobody else that you should learn them from than Lemieux. (Just hope that his allergies don’t make him puke while he is talking).
Ultimate Fictional Hockey Team – Lineup Card
If this fictional team was put together, here’s how their lineup could look:
|Stevie Weeks||Charlie Banks||Darren Roanoke|
|Dean Youngblood||Charlie Conway||Derek Sutton|
|Gunnar Stahl||Adam Banks||Reg Dunlop|
|Jack Hanson||Steve Hanson||Jeff Hanson|
|John Biebe||Tree Lane||Julie “The Cat” Gaffney|
|Russ Tyler||Fulton Reed||Jacques Grande|
|Dave “Killer” Carlson||Derek Thompson|
|Scratches: Xavier LaFlamme, Doug Glatt, Otto Rocket, Greg Goldberg, Denis Lemieux|