“Slap Shot” is unquestionably the best hockey movie ever made. Any argument to the contrary is capricious and arbitrary and should be hotly contested. However, it exists in moviedom as a small fish in the larger pond of sports movies. Sadly, Hollywood seems relatively disinterested in telling hockey stories as compared to baseball, basketball, and football sagas.
As such, the top-five hockey movies are a motley collection of mostly B-movies:
- Slap Shot
- Youngblood
- Goon
- Miracle
- Sudden Death (yes, the Jean-Claude Van Damme movie)
Firstly, do yourself a favor and watch “Youngblood” – Patrick Swayze, Keanu Reeves and Rob Lowe all feature prominently. However, my interest is in “Goon”. As a Canadian, and specifically a Manitoban, I don’t think it gets enough recognition. To be clear, it is a somewhat derivative rendition of Canadian minor league hockey; but also, it is sublime. Not because it’s Canadian, but because it’s Manitoban.
Goon IS the Best Hockey Movie Made in Manitoba
Shot on location in Brandon, Portage La Prairie, and Winnipeg, “Goon” is steeped in Manitoban lore. So much so, if you look carefully, all of the scenes portraying Halifax hockey quietly have Manitoba Liquor Mart billboards in the background. What is more Manitoban than that?
A band of Canadian filmmakers came together to make a “Slap Shot” we Manitobans could call our own. We all know protagonists like Doug Glatt and Eva, and we’ve all come across bombastic authority figures like Coach Ronnie. As such, let’s pay homage to the film by utilizing quotes from “Goon” to evaluate the Winnipeg Jets’ upcoming 2023-24 season:
Doug Glatt: “I think we both have a light in our stomachs. A special light. Like ET. And the team needs somebody to light the way. My stomach light needs your stomach light. We can all phone home together.”
The Jets need a captain, somebody to light the way. Rumor has it that Blake Wheeler acted as a defacto captain last season, despite being stripped of the formal designation.
The leaders in the clubhouse (pun intended) are Josh Morrissey and Adam Lowry. I think the obvious choice is Morrissey. After a breakout season, he has the on-ice chops and personal gravitas to fill the role. He does not appear to be overly vocal on, or off the ice, but there are many ways to lead.
Just like Doug Glatt, Morrissey has a quiet strength and resolve that garner him respect throughout the league. He would be an excellent choice.
Eva: “No. You. You make me want to stop sleeping with a bunch of guys.”
Doug Glatt: “That’s the nicest thing anybody’s ever said to me.”
For most of this offseason, it has been hard not to feel that Jets talent is looking for greener pastures. First Pierre-Luc Dubois, then seemingly Connor Hellebuyck (which hasn’t been confirmed). It felt like sports infidelity.
Yet, many players, some of whom were publicly displeased to close the season, have chosen to return. Axel Jonsson-Fjallby, Morgan Barron, and most recently Logan Stanley have all signed short-term deals this offseason. Stanley’s return is unexpected as he openly asked for a trade following an extended press box relegation.
The big question is whether the Jets organization has sufficiently retooled to entice Hellebuyck and Mark Scheifele back to Winnipeg. Promiscuity is all part of the business of hockey, but the hope is that summer restlessness transforms into winter monogamy.
Ronnie Hortense: “You feel the [redacted] energy in this building? Make sure you take that energy onto the ice. Dougie, you’re gonna shadow LaFlamme for the entire game. You, Gord, LaFlamme, you’re starting. Boys! We’re in this [redacted] thing. Now let’s play like we’re supposed to be here.”
Over the years, the Jets have been guilty of inconsistent play. They have frequently squandered momentum through a lack of energy and “playing down” to the competition. As fans, it is frustrating to watch a team compete at a high-level one night, and then disappear the next.
Jets Need To Play A More Consistent Brand of Hockey
This roster has undergone a facelift, and the Jets need to capitalize on a shifting culture to transform themselves into a team that is difficult to play against, day in and day out. The Jets had a two-month doldrum last season which nearly cost them a playoff spot. Consistency is the key to success, as great teams don’t take successive nights off.
Doug Glatt: “Well you know, uh, maybe you and I could hang out sometime. You know, get coffee.”
Eva: “Um, sure.”
Doug Glatt: “Great! I don’t drink coffee, but I like Gatorade. And I like power drinks and water.”
This is trivial, but does anyone else miss water bottles? NHL players now drink “BioSteel” – an official partner of the league, and branding savant. I understand that sports science is always evolving, and mostly for the better (guys used to smoke in between periods), but the water bottle is a hockey tradition.
Perhaps the league is following the example of NHL ironman Phil Kessel. Wheeler once divulged that Kessel didn’t like drinking water – only blue Gatorade.
Ronnie Hortense: “It’s time to make up for your mistake. Look at the penalty clock. And when I say, you get over there. Stand in front of that box and wait for that ugly bugger.”
Doug Glatt: “Yes, sir.”
Ronnie Hortense: “Do exactly what I say!”
Doug Glatt: “Yes, sir. Of course.”
Ronnie Hortense: “Exactly what I say. You got it? Nothing else.“
The Jets have improvisers in Nikolaj Ehlers, Kyle Connor, and Scheifele. As such, I think one of the bigger question marks heading into the season is coaching. Not only stylistically, but can Rick Bowness get his message across in a way that resonates? NHL players are not as blindly loyal as Doug Glatt, so for the Jets to succeed this season, they need to 100% buy-in on Bowness’ scheme.
Ultimately, the Jets aren’t likely to have a Hollywood ending to the 2023-24 season, but it wouldn’t hurt for them to develop some Doug Glatt toughness. You don’t have to be a goon to show grit and perseverance, just the willingness to never quit. “Goon” did Manitoba proud, and the hope is that the 2023-24 Jets season will do the same.
